I was looking for something on my hard drive today and stumbled upon something I wrote many years ago about my last meeting with my meditation teacher, Swami Muktananda (Baba). I was in India with him for three months before he passed away. This is about that last day with him. I hope you enjoy it.
My years practicing Siddha Yoga have shown me that the compassion of the master is often unexpected and profound in its depth and breadth. I was in India with Baba in October of 1982 when he passed away. There were not many people in the ashram at that time. The big celebrations had finished and most people had gone home.
The afternoon before Baba passed away, I was, in my immature way, mad at him. He had been ignoring me and I was upset about this, so I decided that I was going to skip the afternoon darshan (the time to go before the master and show your love and respect). After finishing my ashram work, I had to traverse the courtyard and pass Baba seated in his chair greeting people. As I began to exit the courtyard determined to skip darshan, a gentle but very firm force stopped me. I never hear voices or feel a “force,” but on that day I heard a voice from within say, “Go to darshan.” The experience was so strong and so strange that I, almost automatically, turned around and made my way to Baba and bowed at his feet. As my head was lowered, I deeply listened to the music of Baba’s voice speaking in Hindi. Baba was speaking to a couple to my right who had asked him a question. So beautiful. So heartfelt. I just listened to his amazing voice, not understanding the Hindi, but receiving every word. As I lifted my head, Baba, with those infinite eyes, was looking directly at me. While Baba was looking into me, the translator translated Baba’s words to the couple, “Baba says that the true marriage is to God.” In that instant, Baba, again, like a crack of thunder, entered me with the indescribable and magical force of the master. My heart burst open and I started to sob, not knowing why, but knowing that I loved this man more than anything in the universe. I bowed once again, took my seat in the courtyard, and sat in deep meditation, filled with the infinite love of my teacher and God and my life…contemplating what had just happened.
Less than twelve hours later in the very early morning hours of the following day, a friend woke me and told me that Baba had passed away. Now I understood this last meeting a little better. The compassion and love of this final goodbye has only grown over the years, and my gratitude for his presence in my life only grows over time.
This was a gift from the master, one of innumerable gifts. There are no words that can describe the gratitude I feel for that moment…for that time…for Baba. Swami Muktananda has never stopped giving and Baba’s word’s, “The true marriage is to God” still beckon and guide me today. Without the supreme compassion of the Lord, my life looks vastly different. Thank you Baba for your eternal generosity.