Throughout history, millions of good people have been on the wrong side of issues, not because of the facts, but because of an identity absorbed from their family, religion, peers, or because of their own feelings about who they are (their personal identity). It is what we identify with, not the truth, that often determines what most people align with.
Identity comes from where you live, your parents, family, religion, and many other factors. It is a sad fact that millions die without ever escaping the identity prison that was given to them in childhood. Whether it’s machismo forced on to a gentle soul or a narrow religious trajectory branded on to the soul of a free spirit, someone living with an identity that is not their own is destined for deep inner turmoil.
If you are very fortunate you may come from a region, family, and/or religion that allows you to explore and discover your own identity rather than prescribing one to you. They may challenge the veracity of your choices, but they give you the freedom to follow the calling in your heart.
When a person has an identity shift, their lives and relationships will change. Their relationship with their spouse, family, coworkers, and more will change and they will create an entirely new life. People usually don’t make these shifts until they are ready for, or want, a new life.
If you want a new life, change what you identify with. I promise you, without lifting a finger, your entire life will change. If your new identity is good and healthy, this change will be supported by cosmic forces. If your identity runs contrary our cosmic laws, you are inviting suffering.
We all have many identities: parent, coworker, teammate, neighbor, etc. We can explore new identities and refresh old ones. Just recently I explored playing poker. I studied and won and had a lot of fun, but it was very time consuming and took me away from my family, so I dropped this identity. Also, for many years I absorbed myself deeply in chanting from the Indian subcontinent, and that identity, for me, felt like home and I want to get back to it. Identities are not static and new identities keep life fresh.
If someone’s identity is too strongly connected with the destructive side of an issue don’t debate with them, just let them be, because changing one’s deeper identity can be a radical life shift and usually comes from within, even if forced by external forces.
Even today, when many truths are obvious and not worth debating, we find some friends or family members who cannot see the truth right in front of them. If a friend or family member cannot see the healthy or better choice, you can continue to fight for what is good in your life, but don’t waste time in discussion or debate with the person identified with, and stuck in, what is wrong or unhealthy.
I don’t believe in condemning people who are stuck in an unhealthy identification. They are trapped in an emotional prison, and your condemnation is not helping them to freedom. If you want to help them to freedom, above all else, they must know that you love them and want the best for them. Point out to them how their thinking is leading to suffering, but give them the love they need to see the world in a new way.
Not long ago I posted something on Facebook that many thought was funny…I thought it was funny. My wife was bothered by it and asked me if the person in this particular post was of a different nationality, would it be as funny? After thinking about it, I said “No”. Then she said, “Well then it is racist,” and she was right. It stung, but there is enough love between us that we can have these conversations.
In the same way, try loving those who you believe are siding with destructive or oppressive forces. Give them the space they need to escape from their prison.
Look at history. Perhaps the most dangerous identity throughout history is the belief that the annihilation or subjugation of another will bring happiness. This belief is more dangerous than the identity that believes that the acquisition and retaining of wealth is at the root of all happiness. Both of these identities are pathological and need to be stopped in the same way that we stop a mosqito from sucking our blood.
People who sided with the destructive forces in history did so because of their identities, not because of facts. Look at these things from history that were hotly debated that you’d never debate today. Based on your identity today, which side would you have been on?
- Whether or not the earth is flat or the center of the universe
- Slavery
- The Confederate coup that tried to overthrow and divide the United States
- Jim Crow laws
- A woman’s right to vote
- A woman’s right to own property
- Exploitation of children and child labor
- Emission controls on vehicles and factories (which gave us much cleaner air)
- In their prime, millions supported them: Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, and Pol Pot.
- Whether or not the colonies of the Americas should be independent from Britain.
- Evolution before the carbon dating of fossil remains (Although there are still many who believe the universe is only 6000 years old, very few debate with them.)
- Characterizing Irish Catholic immigrants as dangerous criminals and barbaric pagans. (1850’s)
History has shown us the depth of atrocities committed in the name of defending deep attachments to an identity, and a destructive identity is often a manufactured sense of superiority or entitlement.
If your identity tells you that everyone is governed by the same cosmic laws and that, as long as another’s identity is not harming others they should be free to create the life revealed in their heart, then you are helping to create a beautiful world.
If you are bothered by identities that are different from your own to the extent that you want to destroy others, then maybe it’s time to explore a new identity, a new life.